


10 days

by bkgmaid



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuaka - Freeform, Haikyuu - Freeform, High School, Hospital, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, No Im not projecting what are you talking about, Suicide, bokuto death, ill add more tags as I update, man i cried writing this, please please know this is a suicide fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-25
Updated: 2020-10-25
Packaged: 2021-03-08 21:22:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,651
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27193049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bkgmaid/pseuds/bkgmaid
Summary: akaashi looks back on the last 10 days he spent with bokuto before he died.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	10 days

**Author's Note:**

> a self reflection fic no one asked for. please note that this fic deals with suicide, as well as topics such as substance abuse and depression. I will trigger warn each chapter : ).

chapter 1 trigger warnings : hospitals , severe depression 

The infamous senior year of high school was upon bokuto and akaashi, and as always bokuto was as eccentric as he ever was. He seemed in his prime. as if he was on top of the world. And truly, he was. Those seemed to be the best months of his life, akaashi thought.

-

The rushed atmosphere of frantic hospital staff, distraught voices of worried family and friends clashing with the desperate workings of nurses and doctors alike. The rattling of a hospital bed being quickly wheeled down the hallway as several quick steps following close behind. It happened so fast. So suddenly. Then, it stopped.

The worst part was the waiting. The hours of shaking his foot against the worn carpet of a hospital waiting room, thumbing through the same pages of the out of date celebrity magazines sprawled across the coffee table sat in front of him. He was beyond shaken. 

it took 5 hours. 5 hours until akaashi finally was able to see the doctor. Attempting to read his face as he walks across the room to brace himself for the impending news soon to be delivered to him. Akaashi stood up. Eyes wide with anticipation and worry, running completely on the adrenaline of the situation played out before him. 

As the doctor walked towards akaashi, everything began to play in slow motion. It's as if he already knew what he was to be told. His life seemed to flash before his eyes as he clung on to his last few moments of ignorance. Well, his life with bokuto moreso. 

-

Blue skies. The soft grass wetting akaashi´s shirt as he lay on the ground, the hot summer sun beating down on his face. He looked to his right, taking in bokuto's whole figure as he saw the man lying beside him. He wore a casual blue shirt, and pants he couldn't get a very good look at. Though as akaashi's eyes made their way to bokuto's face, he saw a slight frown paint his face. His eyes laced with melancholy as he stared longingly at the sky, seeming to have something on his mind. He looked at the boy for a few more moments, taking in the true bokuto that lay beside him. But not a second later did bokuto catch his glance, quickly his eyes shot back to their usual perky green. Repositioning himself to look at akaashis face more squarely. He swiftly replaced his previous frown with his signature smile, teasing;

“what? Y’think I'm cute, hm? What's on your mind kaashi?” as he bounced up and down with each of his little inflections at the end of a question. 

Akaashi was silent for a moment, the worry of what bokuto was truly hiding behind those eyes as they lie in silence still lingering in his mind. Though quickly, he found his footing and replied to the boy. 

“I was just, admiring the scenery. Why did you want to go out here, bokuto? If I knew we were just going to lay here I would have brought food.” akaashi replied. He had an idea that bokuto wanted something out of this trip, but something in him felt as if a push was needed to get him to do what he really wanted to do, as does he need for most things. 

Bokutos eyes darkened slightly, not in anger, but in sadness. It was difficult to identify, but it was there nevertheless. He was surprisingly hard to read when he wanted to be. Once again, silence filled the area around them. Bokuto searches for the words to say as akaashi sits patiently. After around a minute of deliberation on bokuto's part, he finally spoke up. 

“Ahhh yeah that!!!! I totally forgot hehe” he replied airly, as if he didn't just completely forget his reason for taking akaashi out that day. “I just… wanted to tell you that” bokuto paused, “That..” his voice cracked, almost as if he was nervous. He took a breath, “I just wanted to remind you that I loved you, is all!! Cant a bro celebrate his love for another with a nice little picnic every now and again???!?!” 

Akaashi looked at bokuto, who was now contorted in some odd position to better deliver his questionable declaration of love. His eyes seemed to subconsciously soften as he looked at his other. A smile broke out on his face, as his only thought was how much he loved bokuto as well. No matter how silly he was at times, he truly, truly loved every part of bokuto. 

“I love you too, bokuto.”

-

His eyes were shot, the doctors. Hands shaky and hair slightly ruffled. He fumbled with the corners of his worn clipboard as he walked towards akaashi, eyes bore into menial paperwork as to not make eye contact with him till absolutely necessary. He finally approached him. Hands noticeably clammy, and eyes heavy as he got closer to akaashi. With a quiver in his breath as he inhaled, he finally began to relay the news to him. 

“H- He did not make it sir. I am so sorry for your loss.” breathed the doctor, seeming to be relieved when akaashi didn't break down screaming as some relatives do when given that information. 

Instead, akaashi sat back down into his seat. The voice of the doctor once clear and coherent now seeming to be a distant call as his mind becomes foggy. Gripping onto his seat for support as he stared into the chipped wallpaper that lined the hospital walls, his vision became blurred as he began to lose grip on reality. 

-

¨AAAKKAAASSHHII!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!¨

Ten days. Just, ten days before. 

Bokutos voice filled the courtroom as he screamed akaashis name. The squeaking of shoes against the gymnasiums' court seeming to be a distant sound in comparison to bokutos boisterous victory. He always did that when they won, akaashi knew that. It may have annoyed him at first, but he grew to love the attention bokuto would never forget to share with him when they placed that final blow against the opposing team. 

Akaashi gave him a wholehearted smile, growing fond of seeing his older so excitable after a game. That smile, just a simple smile, somehow made bokuto seem even more elated than he already was. His signature smile plastered on his face as he bumps his chest, doing questionable after game celebratory dances with a few of his teammates. It was just like any other game, but their next one wouldn't be for a while, akaashi thought. Around 2 weeks till their next scheduled practice match. 

As the team began finishing up their time in the locker room, those who opted not to shower having left, and those who have silently washing off. Leaving only the somewhat soothing sound of water hitting the stone floor as puffs of heat began to fill the room. Bokuto found akaashi as he always does, standing outside the locker room waiting for him so they could walk home together. When they walked, they spoke on whatever came to mind, drifting from the volleyball match to what ninja turtle they would be in an alternate universe, but today was slightly different. 

Bokuto was inherently extroverted, always unintentionally the center of attention, to much the contrast of his best friend. But that's what akaashi admired about Bokuto. His seemingly never faulting front, his constant shine on any life that came in contact with him. There's nothing not to love about a boy like Bokuto, akaashi believed. He was perfect. 

As they walked in comfortable silence, akaashi decided to voice his thoughts. ¨you know, bokuto,¨ 

Bokutos head popped up to have his eyes watch akaashi as he spoke, they previously being focused on his feet as he walked. 

¨I admire you. You´re like, a sort of machine. I can't imagine how you must think, to be so happy all of the time. I could never even imagine you sad. Do you get sad, bokuto?¨ akaashi lifted his head to meet bokutos eyes as he finished his inquiry. A genuine look of question painted on akaashis face as he looked at him. 

Bokuto looked shocked, almost. At a loss for words at the least. He knew the answer, akaashi could tell in his face. But he stayed silent. Not only for a few moments after would bokuto give the boy a reply; 

¨well, course I get sad akaashi!! You see me like that all the time! Yaknow when we don't win a game, or when you don't pass to me when I want the ball… it happens all the time man!! I'm no angel but I can't believe you ADMIRE me man. Seriously??! Me?? I think you´re better than I could ever be dude.¨ 

Bokuto paused for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should end his thought there. After a moments deliberation, he spoke again, eyes pointed to the sky as he spoke; 

¨Honestly, I don't even like being referred to as ´the sun´ or whatever, it adds a lot of pressure onto me, ya know?? Kinda makes me feel like I can't be anything but what other people want me to be, like they expect me to be a certain way. Gets hard sometimes akaashi, I don't think I'm one to look up to really.¨ bokuto finished with a small sigh. In the latter part of his statement, his eyes darken as he stared longingly at the stars, a saddening silence enveloping the two as they continued their walk. 

Before akaashi could rebuttal him, bokuto opened his mouth for the third time. 

¨well, this is my house!! I gotta go now... unless you wanna come with hehe~¨ bokuto teased with a wink. 

Akaashi was only left with his thoughts as he saw the older bounce into his house, closing the door behind him.

**Author's Note:**

> i need to be fucked up to write this fic so updates may not be regular, but any constructive criticism or comments are very appreciated! thank you for reading my work :)


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